Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Thoughts to my sweet Naeun

Baby girl, do you have any idea how you are loved?  I pray you are sleeping soundly.  Somewhere in this city where we are so close, I am dreaming about you along with your Daddy and sisters on both sides of the world.  We have been dreaming about you for over 7 mths since the moment we heard of your life.  Your sister Adah has been dreaming of you for a lot longer as she prayed for years for  you.

It's quiet and still in our guest house.  Your sisters here are sleeping and so is your Daddy.  Me, your Mummy,  Mom,  Omma.....so many thoughts running through my head and I know with your sisters how fleeting time is, and the intentions of recording memories get overtaken by the tyranny of the urgent,  so rest can wait for me right now for I have had so many restless nights on this roadway to get you.  Walking, running, sometimes stumbling.  Today we walked on the streets in the same place where we walked once we took hold of your sister Narae.  I remember the smells, the sunny day, the clip, clop, clip clop of my shoes on the brick sidewalk.  I remember the dream like state of walking with her after waiting so long with such heartache to hold her in  my arms, yet that day she was finally there.  Steps...one in front of the other.  Clip, clop, clip, clop.....A few years after Narae, your sister Adah came to our family.  We were hoping to walk those same streets to get her, but  God had a detour in store and though we didn't get to walk the streets of Seoul, God sent our friends that day to embrace a second mother that had loved Adah as one of her own girls.  God didn't have our feet walk that path, but provided for others to share His love and our gratitude.   She came home escorted by a Pastor's wife who had prayed for her on the journey and promised to do so through the years ahead.  As a family we got to meet Adah at the airport.  It was part of her unique story.  Clip, clop, clip, clop  .......

Now almost ten years later, today the day before I lay eyes on you sweet child, I walked the same streets I did with  Narae.  Adah joined us and we celebrated all that God has done in 10 years.  He brought us back to Korea for you. For a miracle.  I look for you in the faces of those I pass by.  You have had a picture completed before we even have you and tonight you stare at me from this picture, in the midst of your sisters as if you have been there forever.  You are staring into my heart and soul.

Tonight is your last night of things familiar.  Tomorrow you will see a new face.  Though you don't have my eyes, or my color hair, you have the most important thing which is my heart.  I have prayed that God would prepare you to see my strange face, and I saw Him do that with each of your sisters so I trust His heart.  Even if you grieve hard, I know it was becasue you were loved hard, and loved passionately. 

You already have the hearts of so many, precious Hanna and I can't wait for you to meet them all, but we'll trust you to let us know when all the timing is right.  So many changes ahead for you little one, but they are changes we will make together.  You are named after your birth mother, a woman of strength and sacrificial love.  She named you Naeun, which means 'beautiful favored' one.   We have honored her with your name and given you the name Grace for a middle name.  For you are a picture of God's favor to me.  Something I don't deserve.  I pray you will learn to trust my heart.  I pray that as one mothers love is transferred to another, that it will make you stronger.

This time tomorrow I won't be looking at our picture but I'll be looking at your sweet face.  I'll be able to caress your beautiful cheeks and comb your fine hair.  Most of all, I will get to watch you sleep, I can listen to you breathe, and it will be like water to my soul.  For I have ached for this day for so long, and thank God for His perfect timing that will be just right for you.

This is the end of one chapter, but the beginning of another.  This is the beginning or your life with another mother.  You were not born of my flesh but born in  my heart and in a few hours the labor pains will end, and I'll get to gaze into your dark brown eyes.  I pray you see love.  I pray you see peace.  I PRAY YOU SEE HOME!

I love you my Hanna Naeun......We'll walk this road together hand in hand, and trusting God's heart.  For whatever we face we will remember He is a God of MIRACLES!

We'll be waiting at this special place tomorrow looking just for  you!!

"Now to Him who is Able to Do SO much more than all we can ask or even imagine.  TO HIM be all the honor and glory!" 


Jenna said...

beautiful, Karen!

Adrienne said...

This post is so beautiful, Karen! Your words brought up so many emotions that led to tears as I thought about my Lily's first year in Korea and the love her foster mother had for her. She is one of the most loving children and so very bright, and I know her foster mother's love made her such a vibrant child. I will never forget the first two days with Lily, seeing her grieve the loss of her foster mother, clinging to me, the only person she then "knew." I am excited to have "met" you and to follow your journey with your sweet girls.

Praying for the best transition possible for this little angel into her new loving family.


Hardcorescrapper said...

Trying to read through the tears. Beautiful post. I am praying and can't wait to see pictures of your angel in your arms!!!