Thursday, September 22, 2011

Full yet Heavy Hearts

 What a week!  I'm going to have to take a week of quiet somewhere just to process all that has gone on here. ( and of course that won't happen any time soon!) The miracle, after miracle that God performed.  You all may be sick of reading that word.  Friends may I first say that Mark and I don't have a corner on miracles......we have just been praying for God to show His glory to a watching world and He has put on quite a display.

To quote a very special new friend that we met today at lunch....Pastor Eddi Byun, he is one of sthe pastors of one of the largest churches in the world.  60,000 members...(that kind of put the american mega church to shame)....but he was talking about how when as a person or as a church you step out in faith and start taking seriously the things that matter to the heart of God,watch out for the blessing will unfold.  Since that call on February 10, 2011 we have been so humbled that God would call us to be Hanna's parents, and to show a world where His heart truly is.  Not because of anything in us, but because of everything in HIM!

Tonight though as I write I have such a FULL but heavy heart.  You see as we were walking around one of the largest markets here and listening to the buzz of the city, the sights and the smells....I just stood back with Hanna around my waist in her carrier and realized this is the last night she will see, hear, smell and taste familiar.  YES, she has had a major change and familiar in her world was blown apart, but when we walk around, when we ride in the taxi or the subway....familiar is still around her.  I watch her look at people and wonder if she's still searching for her Umma, or her foster sisters and it breaks my heart.  I wish I could see them one more time to show them that she is adjusting and how much we love them and will keep them apart of our hearts and hers.

I DID HAVE ANOTHER MIRACLE TONIGHT THOUGH........one of her foster sisters commented on the blog and saw the smile on Hanna's face last night!  Praising God for that connection and that she speaks English and we can stay in touch.  I can have peace as the wheels lift off from the tarmac that we can stay connected.

Wheels on tarmac......reminds me of all the places God has taken me where I have left pieces of my heart and have been a crying mess as we lift off.  There was Brazil back in 1992, I thought they would kick me off the plane I was sobbing so hard.  Bangkok, Thailand, crying as I pictured so many different women's faces, their eyes, their stories that were forever emblazoned on my heart.  Than there was the flight leaving Seoul with Narae.  Another Kleenex box.  Yes, I was over the moon I was taking her home, but my heart was broken that I was taking her from her culture.  I look around and see small children playing, young girls arm in arm with one another walking the streets and I think.....these could have been MY GIRLS! 

BUT GOD!

God had planned from the beginning of time to bless our family with adoption.  It has taught us more about the heart of God than 1,000 theological books ever could.  It has taught us about God's unconditional love for us and that there is nothing we do to deserve it.  He loves us.  PERIOD.  Extravagently.  PERIOD.  I can do nothing to change the way His heart sings over me, for He has adopted me, and called me His child.

As we are packing up here, I have had some wonderful joys in meeting new people.  We spent some sweet time with our new friends the Bice's from Alabama.  Our hearts were knit together in Seoul, and I now have to visit the Gulf Shores, but first I must brush up on my (Alabamese).  I thought of the time with Molly Holt we could spend. The residents at Ilsan and the babies at the Reception Center. The people at Holt that I have been able to reconnect with, the new workers, DJ and Ryu, along with the old....Mrs. Shin. (not that you are old Mrs. Shin...you are just an old friend to us! ) :O) A divine appointment with a man that has the spirit of Elijah ....and a desire to see the persecuted free. Babies of adoptive mommas in the states that were right where they needed to be, so I could take some priceless pictures of them. Those are just some of the people.....than there were moments ....so many moments. 

I think the one that will stand out in  my mind in this trip is the MOMENT Hanna stopped running around, looked right in her Daddies eyes, and gave him a big hug!   That one is at the top. Than there was tonight.....I had a precious moment this evening walking Hanna in the back carrier in the hall.  All was quiet and I just started to sing 'Jesus Loves Me.'  My little girl just started to sing along.  I haven't heard her babble like that yet.  If you were to watch, it would just look like a mother and her daughter that have known each other forever. (ignore the hair color) Since she was singing more than falling asleep I came upstairs and went in our room where it was dark.  I put on the Steven Curtis Chapman CD...Beauty from Ashes and just started to rock her.  I also moved her from my back to my front.  Yesterday she would have screamed hysterically, tonight she put her face against my skin and fell asleep.  I just rocked and rocked and breathed in the moment.  How many nights did my heart ache for this moment, and here captured in time....we were having it.  She fell asleep with her arms around me and her cheeks touching me, and it was HEAVEN!  She is sleeping soundly now as well back in our bed.

After putting her down, I went to help Narae and Adah.  Narae was acting really unusual, and getting quite upset over outfits to where tomorrow.  It just wasn't like her.  So praise God, He reminded me there was probably a root there and I needed to dig.....before bed I asked her with Mark beside me if there was anything else going on.  She looked at us and nodded a little and I could see the tears welling up in her eyes.  She just started to cry.  "I'm so sorry for Hanna for tomorrow."  "I'm so sorry she has to leave the only country and the people that she knows."  "She's never going to see this place for a long time, and so many things will be new."  She just WEPT.  She was grieving like her sister was. She was grieving FOR her sister.   Mark and I were weeping with her.  For we had been praying God would give us inroads into her heart, where some deep pain may reside.  One of the greatest miracles has been the one I know God is doing in Narae's heart.  He's teaching her, that though there is pain there is healing.  I told her that we all would be crying too when we take off, but we have to look at the miracles that have happened and have faith in the miracles ahead.   I reminded her that if God can find my cell phone amidst a city of 13 million people, He can heal her heart.  Even though Narae knew that, I know the connection she has already made with her sister runs deep.  I think she is grieving for herself in a way, for the culture that just couldn't embrace her.  I told her she was so loved, and how brave their birth moms are. There love was and is strong, their courage lights a fire in my heart when I fear.....yet they never would have been able to get out from their labels and they knew their daughters wouldn't either.  So they made the greatest sacrifical gift to give them a better life.   Sounds very familiar to another picture I know that has to do with a long road and a cross.

We have reminded the girls through this grieving that their will come healing.  Just like as their was death on a cross, their was life and  redemption that was offered to all.  We  were adopted.  We believe that walking the streets of Korea, two VERY caucasian  people with some very
 Asian girls that maybe a few hearts have been changed.  We told Narae tonight, how God had picked her from the moment He thought of her life, that she would have just what Hanna would need to comfort her at this time and place.    I don't think it's a coincidence that she looks like one of Hanna's foster sisters and very much like her UMMA~   They were part of the plan....and she is a big sister carrying her lil' sisters pain and processing some of her own.  I'm thankful for the processing, I'm thankful for the tears, for they cleanse the soul.  Adah doesn't seem to understand as much, but I know it will still be hard.

So we have gained another Weigner girl.  Our hearts have been made complete with Hanna, yet tomorrow we will leave a part of our hearts here.  I pray for all that laid eyes on our girls, that they would have seen the heart of a Father.  Not just a bald American and blonde Canadian, but God doing extraordinary things through two very ordinary individuals.  As I always say, "it's not about me, but all about Him."  How my heart sings when I hear of other couples inspired to adopt, because of the story of our girls.

The wheels of the plane are schedule to leave a country we would call home in a heart beat, at about 11:15AM.  Taking us back to our older girls, our family our friends and loved ones. Scheduled arrival...Philadelphia at 5:00 PM.   Though there will be sorrow......joy will come in the morning, and we will continue to look ahead to what God will do, and keep walking putting one foot in front of the other.  I wonder where the next decade will have us walking or who will be walking with us, hand in hand.  A family I pray that will be  dedicated to Him!


Narae makes the taxi rides bearable since Hanna likes to sit with her.


Adah is the entertainment.


I just experienced a piece of heaven!


Only God could do this!  Thank you Holt family and SWS.


Kisses


Trying to cover Dad's bald head so he doesn't 'stand out'


When walking with Hanna, she has to hold a sisters hand.  This photo takes my breath away.


REFLECTIONS....hmm there's a post right there.

This young woman works for Holt.  Her father is the pastor at small country church.


A DIVINE  appointment....and yes ....another post.



God hears the prayers of a lil girls heart. She prayed forlittle  a sister for so many years...



New friends for life.


Sonia and Daria Bice


I think they wil be in each others weddings.


A billboard for the FATHER's HEART!


"Now to Him who is able to do so much more than all we can think or even IMAGINE!"




3 comments:

Grace said...

Beautiful post!! So happy for all of you :0 Oh n my grandparents live in Gulf Shores...you must get there!

Danielle's World said...

Love all the pictures! I hope we get to meet Hanna one day. Colwyn and I prayed for you tonight as you travel home.

Becky said...

Karen,
This is SUCH a beautiful story that I am watching our Lord unravel before our eyes! My girls (who are now 5 and 3) have been asking constantly about "Baby Hanna" and wanting to see all her pictures. We are so happy for you and have been praying for you all week!! Safe travels!