Letter written from Bekah and Brienna to the foster daughters.
Everything at the guest house waiting for you Hanna.
Two sets of eyes ready to meet. This is God's love and a miracle!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Here We Go!
Letter written from Bekah and Brienna to the foster daughters.
Thoughts to my sweet Naeun
Baby girl, do you have any idea how you are loved? I pray you are sleeping soundly. Somewhere in this city where we are so close, I am dreaming about you along with your Daddy and sisters on both sides of the world. We have been dreaming about you for over 7 mths since the moment we heard of your life. Your sister Adah has been dreaming of you for a lot longer as she prayed for years for you.
It's quiet and still in our guest house. Your sisters here are sleeping and so is your Daddy. Me, your Mummy, Mom, Omma.....so many thoughts running through my head and I know with your sisters how fleeting time is, and the intentions of recording memories get overtaken by the tyranny of the urgent, so rest can wait for me right now for I have had so many restless nights on this roadway to get you. Walking, running, sometimes stumbling. Today we walked on the streets in the same place where we walked once we took hold of your sister Narae. I remember the smells, the sunny day, the clip, clop, clip clop of my shoes on the brick sidewalk. I remember the dream like state of walking with her after waiting so long with such heartache to hold her in my arms, yet that day she was finally there. Steps...one in front of the other. Clip, clop, clip, clop.....A few years after Narae, your sister Adah came to our family. We were hoping to walk those same streets to get her, but God had a detour in store and though we didn't get to walk the streets of Seoul, God sent our friends that day to embrace a second mother that had loved Adah as one of her own girls. God didn't have our feet walk that path, but provided for others to share His love and our gratitude. She came home escorted by a Pastor's wife who had prayed for her on the journey and promised to do so through the years ahead. As a family we got to meet Adah at the airport. It was part of her unique story. Clip, clop, clip, clop .......
Now almost ten years later, today the day before I lay eyes on you sweet child, I walked the same streets I did with Narae. Adah joined us and we celebrated all that God has done in 10 years. He brought us back to Korea for you. For a miracle. I look for you in the faces of those I pass by. You have had a picture completed before we even have you and tonight you stare at me from this picture, in the midst of your sisters as if you have been there forever. You are staring into my heart and soul.
Tonight is your last night of things familiar. Tomorrow you will see a new face. Though you don't have my eyes, or my color hair, you have the most important thing which is my heart. I have prayed that God would prepare you to see my strange face, and I saw Him do that with each of your sisters so I trust His heart. Even if you grieve hard, I know it was becasue you were loved hard, and loved passionately.
You already have the hearts of so many, precious Hanna and I can't wait for you to meet them all, but we'll trust you to let us know when all the timing is right. So many changes ahead for you little one, but they are changes we will make together. You are named after your birth mother, a woman of strength and sacrificial love. She named you Naeun, which means 'beautiful favored' one. We have honored her with your name and given you the name Grace for a middle name. For you are a picture of God's favor to me. Something I don't deserve. I pray you will learn to trust my heart. I pray that as one mothers love is transferred to another, that it will make you stronger.
This time tomorrow I won't be looking at our picture but I'll be looking at your sweet face. I'll be able to caress your beautiful cheeks and comb your fine hair. Most of all, I will get to watch you sleep, I can listen to you breathe, and it will be like water to my soul. For I have ached for this day for so long, and thank God for His perfect timing that will be just right for you.
This is the end of one chapter, but the beginning of another. This is the beginning or your life with another mother. You were not born of my flesh but born in my heart and in a few hours the labor pains will end, and I'll get to gaze into your dark brown eyes. I pray you see love. I pray you see peace. I PRAY YOU SEE HOME!
I love you my Hanna Naeun......We'll walk this road together hand in hand, and trusting God's heart. For whatever we face we will remember He is a God of MIRACLES!
We'll be waiting at this special place tomorrow looking just for you!!
"Now to Him who is Able to Do SO much more than all we can ask or even imagine. TO HIM be all the honor and glory!"
It's quiet and still in our guest house. Your sisters here are sleeping and so is your Daddy. Me, your Mummy, Mom, Omma.....so many thoughts running through my head and I know with your sisters how fleeting time is, and the intentions of recording memories get overtaken by the tyranny of the urgent, so rest can wait for me right now for I have had so many restless nights on this roadway to get you. Walking, running, sometimes stumbling. Today we walked on the streets in the same place where we walked once we took hold of your sister Narae. I remember the smells, the sunny day, the clip, clop, clip clop of my shoes on the brick sidewalk. I remember the dream like state of walking with her after waiting so long with such heartache to hold her in my arms, yet that day she was finally there. Steps...one in front of the other. Clip, clop, clip, clop.....A few years after Narae, your sister Adah came to our family. We were hoping to walk those same streets to get her, but God had a detour in store and though we didn't get to walk the streets of Seoul, God sent our friends that day to embrace a second mother that had loved Adah as one of her own girls. God didn't have our feet walk that path, but provided for others to share His love and our gratitude. She came home escorted by a Pastor's wife who had prayed for her on the journey and promised to do so through the years ahead. As a family we got to meet Adah at the airport. It was part of her unique story. Clip, clop, clip, clop .......
Now almost ten years later, today the day before I lay eyes on you sweet child, I walked the same streets I did with Narae. Adah joined us and we celebrated all that God has done in 10 years. He brought us back to Korea for you. For a miracle. I look for you in the faces of those I pass by. You have had a picture completed before we even have you and tonight you stare at me from this picture, in the midst of your sisters as if you have been there forever. You are staring into my heart and soul.
Tonight is your last night of things familiar. Tomorrow you will see a new face. Though you don't have my eyes, or my color hair, you have the most important thing which is my heart. I have prayed that God would prepare you to see my strange face, and I saw Him do that with each of your sisters so I trust His heart. Even if you grieve hard, I know it was becasue you were loved hard, and loved passionately.
You already have the hearts of so many, precious Hanna and I can't wait for you to meet them all, but we'll trust you to let us know when all the timing is right. So many changes ahead for you little one, but they are changes we will make together. You are named after your birth mother, a woman of strength and sacrificial love. She named you Naeun, which means 'beautiful favored' one. We have honored her with your name and given you the name Grace for a middle name. For you are a picture of God's favor to me. Something I don't deserve. I pray you will learn to trust my heart. I pray that as one mothers love is transferred to another, that it will make you stronger.
This time tomorrow I won't be looking at our picture but I'll be looking at your sweet face. I'll be able to caress your beautiful cheeks and comb your fine hair. Most of all, I will get to watch you sleep, I can listen to you breathe, and it will be like water to my soul. For I have ached for this day for so long, and thank God for His perfect timing that will be just right for you.
I love you my Hanna Naeun......We'll walk this road together hand in hand, and trusting God's heart. For whatever we face we will remember He is a God of MIRACLES!
We'll be waiting at this special place tomorrow looking just for you!!
"Now to Him who is Able to Do SO much more than all we can ask or even imagine. TO HIM be all the honor and glory!"
Broken Hearts and Whole Hearts
This is a picture of two women that I do not know their names, I only saw their faces but briefly, yet I can tell you in a minute that I know their hearts, and they are some of the strongest most selfless women on this planet. They are foster mothers.
Today we had the VERY GREAT honor of being with a special family that we have met here from Alabama. The Rices. Today they met their daughter for the first time and she is now forever in their arms. We were able to be there in the room to feel the excitement, the hair on our arms was electric while having goosebumps all at the same time. The most amazing part of the experience for me as well was that my girls Narae and Adah were there to witness and experience every second. They had a front seat to being in the delivery room of an adoptive Mum. It is a sacred place, holier to me than any church, for this I believe is where God is most pleased as He sees the orphans embraced through His people. It is almost as if you can sense those 'cloud of witnesses' that the Bible talks about.....waiting to see the miracle unfold. Today I got to be one of those witnesses. Today, I got a front seat in another miracle taking place. Today I got to be the onlooker and take the pictures that this family will treasure forever, and use to show their little girl about the love they had for her before they even knew her name.
They will also tell her all about her foster mother. One of the things we cherished with Narae's meeting, was that we had the entire first meeting on tape, and we could just watch Narae's foster mother talk all about her. Narae was fascinated to see it this year on her birthday as I know after experiencing this journey her heart has been changed forever.
Today, as I watched from behind the lens, I saw two women meet for the first time, that both would instantly give up their lives for this little girl. They are worlds apart, languages apart, cultures and customs apart, but they share the heart of a mother. They embraced and the tears just flowed down their faces.
I can't even put into words the uniqueness of the moment. As questions were asked and answers were given, you could sense the upcoming separation for the foster mother and the sadness on her face, yet for the adoptive Mum there was sadness for the foster mother, but expectation, joy and peace for a time of great waiting was about to come to an end.
Today, I was able to also meet Adah's foster mother and embrace her for the first time. I knew that she would love on Adah, but to witness how she just cuddled her up under her arm like her little bird. That love was still tangible. We just knew when Adah came home that she had been loved. She was so content, and she went so easily to Mark. We found out today that her foster brothers used to rush home so that they could see who would hold Adah first.
I have to say in a way, I had a strange feeling with this woman across from me holding Adah, for it was as if there was a bond there and a time I wasn't a part of. Yet, it is a part of Adah's story, who she is and who she is becoming. The connection was still strong. She had brought a gift for Adah which I definately wasn't expecting. She bought Adah another Hanbok. The first one was given to her when she was one, and here over 6 years later, she had blessed us with another precious gift and it fit Adah perfectly. She was amazed to hear about Hanna. I showed them our pictures, and as soon as she saw the one I have in the album of Adah as a small baby her foster mothers eyes lit up, for she was the one that took the picture.
How do I express in words the gratitude I had for this woman?
How do I express TOMORROW in words the gratitude I have for Hanna's Foster Mum?
I've seen the pictures, I've watched the videos. I can see she is a quiet woman, a tender woman, yet clearly a strong women. You could tell the love that Adah's foster mother had for her in the pictures I was given, and you could see the heartbreak in the pictures just before she let her go. It's interesting, for in Hanna's foster mother pictures, even from 6 month old, I feel like I see both in her eyes. For she knows all the pictures that have been taken of Hanna are going to the family that will have her forever. She knows going in that all of her love is going to end in a broken heart.
I have no time for the person that says to me..."Well this is what they are expected to do." In Korea, the culture is lacking greatly with their attitudes to orphans yes, but these woman are like their beacon on a hill. I said to Mark today after riding the subway and seeing how clean, efficient and modern everything is. I said how is it that their city was destroyed decades ago, but now is what seems leap years ahead of America. He talked about how war makes you stronger. These woman, I feel like their heartbreak must make them stronger.
The foster mother that we met today of the Rice family had 11 foster children. 11 times I thought, her heart has been broken. She has walked this little girl through several surgeries, through different ailments, all to know that this day would come. The day she would sit across from an American Mother, and pass along the precious soul she had been caring for. And to think that within the next few days she will most likely be given another baby to start the whole process all over again. The Rices little girl is not replaced at all,her spot just moves do a different place in her very large heart.
Adah's foster mother only fostered for a few years. She stopped doing it in 2006 and I wonder if it was because the heart ache was just too much. I don't know that I would have the strength to do what these women do.
I have a sweet friend that is a foster mother in America and her strength and sacrificial love put me to shame.
As excited as I am to get our little girl, the tears flow easily and I wouldn't say I'm exuberant because I know that a heart is going to be ripped in two. Do I believe in miracles? If you have been following any part of this journey than you know I do. Today with the Rices a miracle took place. They prayed for their little girl to just have peace and come into their arms. That's EXACTLY what she did. The Rice family just spent a little time in our room tonight and we shared some supper together. Lil' Daria is grieving now. You can see her heart is broken, but in time we know it will heal. For now the hurt is real though. So pray for them today as well, as it is their first night together.
This process IS CHILDBIRTH. Yet there is NO EPIDURAL. Horrific pain has to take place for a child to be born into this world, yet there is joy on the other side. The amazing most sacrificial thing with Hanna, as the other girls is that I feel like this woman is going through this pain for me. For a woman she doesn't know....and that just blows me away. Tomorrow will be her labor, as ours was leading up to this day, hers will be the opposite, but each day will bring healing.
Tonight, Mark tucked the girls into bed, and I said..."This is the last night just the two of you her in Korea ."
The LAST NIGHT.
Tonight is the last night that Hanna's foster mother cuddles in beside her.
the last night she gives her a bath, and dries all her little toesies. The last night to read her a book and tuck her in bed.
I'm sure that everything else is going to fall to the wayside. The dishes will wait, the chores will remain, because she is going to soak in every last second with her little girl. The little girl that she has rocked with, sung to, slept with and comforted. Those of you that have seen the videos of Hanna, have seen just how content she is. That is from LOVE! Unconditional Love.
Than maybe when she's asleep, she'll go back over everything that's packed. All the things that she has prepared for us to meet Hanna's needs. I'm sure she'll go to bed, thinking of everything Hanna will need for a day. She knows the things that soothe her, she knows her every need. Just stop and imagine trying to pack all the 'what if's ' up into a Big Blue Bag. It's impossible. I can only imagine she has to have a faith to do that. To trust the daughter she has raised for the past year to a family she has never met who will take them across the oceans, far from everything familiar.
So tonight as I go to bed, and I know so many of you are on pins and needles of excitement for us. Please pray for this precious woman. Pray that her heart will be comforted. I have no doubt there will be waterfalls of tears tomorrow. Pray for her husband and her two daughters that will come home from work, from school to a quiet house without a little girl. We will have joy tomorrow, we will have noise, we will have activity, but they will have stillness.
Than pray for Hanna's heart. I know you will. I was looking at little Daria tonight, and we showed her the video of Hanna. She was intent on watching it. I thought, how amazing is it of God that already in our baby girls young heart with the grief she's about to experience that God has given her a companion. I think Daria and Hanna will have a miraculous connection, one that will have the scent of angel dust all around. Though the Rice's live in Alabama I think they will be forever friends.
We both knew this day was coming. It is a day we have dreamed for. It started with the prayers of a little girl that prayed for a little sister, and it climaxes with us seeing our dreams come true thanks to her prayer. Two faces will be watching the miracle unfold, two mothers. One has blonde hair, and hazel eyes, they other black hair with brown eyes. Two women from separate sides of the world that will share this bond forever, the love of a girl, born on August 7, 2010 that changed each of our lives forever.
Pray I may glean just a fragment of her strength. She is part of me, a part of my child and I will be forever grateful for her sacrifice.
Yes, Hanna's foster mother knew this day would come, but I know she's loved Naeun with everything she is. She willingly is breaking her heart for mine to be full.
Tonight we are standing on the edge of another miracle. We will soon be in another room with our girls once again, yet this time we will be the main players in a drama that is about to have a scene change.
Six years ago, Adah's foster mother had a broken heart as she sacrificed and went through her labor for me. Today, I could embrace her and we rejoiced together at the girl that Adah is and is becoming. That day I pray will come again with Hanna.
God has showed us His fingerprints and tomorrow I know we won't feel like we see His fingerprints, but I believe we will feel completely carried in His hands.
I have a feeling too that if I listen very carefully tomorrow I may just hear the sound of a thousand angels wings that are watching God's work unfold.
Daria's foster mother, holding her for the last moments.
Adah meeting her foster mother for the first time.
A bond NOT breakable by Time or Distance.
THIS IS LOVE!
Questions for God....
Sorry to leave you all hanging there last night, we had a busy morning of organization and another family needing me to be ON TIME this morning...small feat considering those of you that know me. Last night, I was busy getting pictures and videos to waiting Mum's of their babies we had seen, and also needing to organize many gifts that we were taking with us to Holt today for the office and also for Adah's foster mother whom we were meeting in person, and than leaving a bag of gifts for Narae's foster mother.
I ended my blog a little abruptly last night, because I was so very tired, and I wanted to do justice to the precious souls that I was able to lay my hands on yesterday and than today. They are the disabled children and adults at Ilsan and some babies at the Seoul reception Center. These are the questions that I will have for God. This is where my faith shakes....in walking the halls of residents that are in wheelchairs, and sometimes stretchers, not on life support, but their only mobility was to follow me with their eyes. People, I don't have an answer for suffering and I don't want to say some words, or quote some scripture and try to tie it up in a pretty package to make everyone feel better. We have seen God do incredible things in our Bekah's life who is termed 'disabled' and 'not perfect' in America. It's now an imperfection where couples today maybe counselled while their babies are in utero that their imperfection is just too great and the risks of CF are just too scary so these babies never take a breath this side of heaven. Yesterday, the precious souls that I saw made my heart cry out. All I could do was walk along side them, hold their hands, look into their eyes and tell them I believe in a God that loves them and sees them, yet through tears yesterday and through tears now I admit that I don't understand. I know there will be a day they will be whole, they will release the chains of their bodies,yet I have so many questions. Here, I have so much. Harry Holt, left everything along with his wife, and his daughter Molly has dedicated her life to giving these individuals dignity. I think the one house we were in was the one for some rather severely disabled and maybe I wasn't prepared. I'm not one to turn from suffering but to look it straight on, and friends it hurts. I wanted the precious individuals that looked at me with their eyes to see the light of hope in them. Not my tears.
I'll never forget our training in Bangkok, Thailand where we had no chance to speak to the women in the bars and strip clubs that lined the shopping district....Becky simply wanted us to walk by and love them with our eyes. Oh, how I wrestled with God that nightin Bangkok. For those of you that remember, the next morning I was physically sick from what I saw, and for asking where God was in the midst of it. The wrestling of it came down to Him showing me that it was breaking His heart as well, but for me to know that I don't have all the answers or need to have them. Today at the baby reception center and yesterday at Ilsan I was struck with those gut wrenching pains. Today at the baby reception center after meeing Adah's foster mother (that I will write about in another post) I saw a precious girl that just had hair jetting out like Narae. I asked if I could picke her up, and she probably weighed close to what Hanna will, and I found out she was about her age. The social worker than told me that she was almost completely blind, but could see close up, that she had brain damage they thought and than Cerebral Palsy. Ughhh.....another GUT WRENCHING Why! She felt SO good to hold in my arms, that to me she just seemed perfect. She could definately see me when I was close up and was she ever strong. I just sang to her as well, and sang through tears. Oh, how I wish I could bring her back to a loving family that would give her everything she deserves. The baby reception center is amazing though. It is a peaceful serene place, with many volunteers for the babies, quiet music and an atmosphere of love. I was told that this baby may be put up on a waiting child photo listing so keep your eyes out. We would have to wait until Bekah was out of the house to adopt her, but Mark's reply was we might just have to kick her out at 16 than! (Just kidding Bekah)
As I sit here writing down my thoughst, I realize too, I am perceiving things from my life as I walk and breathe, and not that of the those disabled. I have a daughter that is strong and vibrant BECAUSE of her 'disablility'. As I think of those I saw yesterday that I was mourning for them because they couldn't speak, they could smile with their eyes! As I write I realize now that in that moment I did see a bit of heaven shining through. I got to touch a glimpse of those that are God's most beloved. One girl in particular, well she was a young woman, just looked at me and than had tears in her eyes. I told her God loved her, I carressed her face and said she was beautiful. She was having a very hard time breathing, it seemed and I just brushed her hair from her face as I would do any of my girls and sang to her. The moment seemed like it was struck in time, and her face will be emblazoned upon my heart forever. Perhaps her tears were because she was ministering to me as I sang and she joined in her own way.
How we try to attain to perfection in our societies. How many times do we just try to brush the ugly under the carpet or in a closet. Ilsan is a place for those that society has thrown away. I'm not saying that the western world is perfect, we know that it isn't, but here there is definately a greater prejudice for disabled. I don't think I am going to look at a wheelchair ramp again the same at home. To think that Ilsan is built on the side of a moutain with disabled people is kind of a juxtaposition, yet they adapt to it. It's like the mountain makes them stronger, as if it's a picture of their strength. One man in a wheelchair came whipping around so quickly I about had a heart attack. He had learned though to survive and to thrive. Maybe in the hearts and minds of those that were severely disabled they were thriving. Maybe they see things that I cannot. Perhaps they have glimpses of glory, because I believe they are precious to God. It reminded me to be so grateful. To be thankful for my breath, for my movement, for the ability to walk and talk, to simply sit up. These are things that some of the residents I saw were not even able to do...and I admit I don't understand. I know that I can leave my broken heart though in the hands of a God that sees them, loves them, knows all about them, and their lives are important to Him.
At lunch today I was keeping the tears away and trying not to break down. For the things that the Lord has allowed me to take part in that move His heart and also for looking at Narae and Adah across the table and think of lil' Hanna that we will have tomorrow at this time and to feel so overwhelmingly blessed!
The following pictures are of some of the little guys we got to play with on the floor in the one house. In one of the other houses I was able to sit and play with a girl that HAS AN ADOPTIVE FAMILY waiting for their travel call. I can't post pictures of her since she has a forever family, but while I was singing to her, there were other woman sitting on the floor that looked like maybe they had down's syndrome or another syndrome, but OH how their faces lit up to music. I could spend an eternity there. The day in and day out though of that type of care is hard, it is tiring, and I know from talking to Molly that it is frustrating to get the help that they need. However, Molly is an indominable spirit, that is a LOUD VOICE for those that don't have one. As Becky McDonald is to Woman at Risk, Molly Holt is a voice to the disabled in Korea. She will never back down, she will never stop advocating for them and she will keep loving them and working to give them a quality of life until the Lord calls her home. If you see a disabled person today, take an extra moment to give them a hand. If you see a non disabled person in a wheelchair space, feel free to run them over for me, to give them a reason for using that space in the first place! (okay, well not really....but you all know what I mean) Reach out to those that need help. Be strength for those that are weak and be a voice wherever you are placed for those that don't have one. One thing I've seen over and over this last week is that God uses people to be His hands and feet. Will you be available to be used by Him? To pay it forward all that you have been blessed with. If you are feeling depressed and bad about your place in life, I wish I could give you one moment with some of the precious souls I saw, and I promise you, there will be joy in the simple things.
Enjoy these precious souls that God gave me the priviledge of loving on and I pray your heart is moved...once again I was changed. Also to any adoptive parents travelling to Korea. PLEASE put Ilsan on your list of things to do. There will always be palaces to see, and their are plenty of pictures of them, and markets that you can buy trinkets at, but these souls you can be a light that is extraordinary in their days, and you will be changed in the process. All you have to do is let your social worker know to communicate with Holt Korea that you would like to visit there and they will arrange it!
I ended my blog a little abruptly last night, because I was so very tired, and I wanted to do justice to the precious souls that I was able to lay my hands on yesterday and than today. They are the disabled children and adults at Ilsan and some babies at the Seoul reception Center. These are the questions that I will have for God. This is where my faith shakes....in walking the halls of residents that are in wheelchairs, and sometimes stretchers, not on life support, but their only mobility was to follow me with their eyes. People, I don't have an answer for suffering and I don't want to say some words, or quote some scripture and try to tie it up in a pretty package to make everyone feel better. We have seen God do incredible things in our Bekah's life who is termed 'disabled' and 'not perfect' in America. It's now an imperfection where couples today maybe counselled while their babies are in utero that their imperfection is just too great and the risks of CF are just too scary so these babies never take a breath this side of heaven. Yesterday, the precious souls that I saw made my heart cry out. All I could do was walk along side them, hold their hands, look into their eyes and tell them I believe in a God that loves them and sees them, yet through tears yesterday and through tears now I admit that I don't understand. I know there will be a day they will be whole, they will release the chains of their bodies,yet I have so many questions. Here, I have so much. Harry Holt, left everything along with his wife, and his daughter Molly has dedicated her life to giving these individuals dignity. I think the one house we were in was the one for some rather severely disabled and maybe I wasn't prepared. I'm not one to turn from suffering but to look it straight on, and friends it hurts. I wanted the precious individuals that looked at me with their eyes to see the light of hope in them. Not my tears.
I'll never forget our training in Bangkok, Thailand where we had no chance to speak to the women in the bars and strip clubs that lined the shopping district....Becky simply wanted us to walk by and love them with our eyes. Oh, how I wrestled with God that nightin Bangkok. For those of you that remember, the next morning I was physically sick from what I saw, and for asking where God was in the midst of it. The wrestling of it came down to Him showing me that it was breaking His heart as well, but for me to know that I don't have all the answers or need to have them. Today at the baby reception center and yesterday at Ilsan I was struck with those gut wrenching pains. Today at the baby reception center after meeing Adah's foster mother (that I will write about in another post) I saw a precious girl that just had hair jetting out like Narae. I asked if I could picke her up, and she probably weighed close to what Hanna will, and I found out she was about her age. The social worker than told me that she was almost completely blind, but could see close up, that she had brain damage they thought and than Cerebral Palsy. Ughhh.....another GUT WRENCHING Why! She felt SO good to hold in my arms, that to me she just seemed perfect. She could definately see me when I was close up and was she ever strong. I just sang to her as well, and sang through tears. Oh, how I wish I could bring her back to a loving family that would give her everything she deserves. The baby reception center is amazing though. It is a peaceful serene place, with many volunteers for the babies, quiet music and an atmosphere of love. I was told that this baby may be put up on a waiting child photo listing so keep your eyes out. We would have to wait until Bekah was out of the house to adopt her, but Mark's reply was we might just have to kick her out at 16 than! (Just kidding Bekah)
As I sit here writing down my thoughst, I realize too, I am perceiving things from my life as I walk and breathe, and not that of the those disabled. I have a daughter that is strong and vibrant BECAUSE of her 'disablility'. As I think of those I saw yesterday that I was mourning for them because they couldn't speak, they could smile with their eyes! As I write I realize now that in that moment I did see a bit of heaven shining through. I got to touch a glimpse of those that are God's most beloved. One girl in particular, well she was a young woman, just looked at me and than had tears in her eyes. I told her God loved her, I carressed her face and said she was beautiful. She was having a very hard time breathing, it seemed and I just brushed her hair from her face as I would do any of my girls and sang to her. The moment seemed like it was struck in time, and her face will be emblazoned upon my heart forever. Perhaps her tears were because she was ministering to me as I sang and she joined in her own way.
How we try to attain to perfection in our societies. How many times do we just try to brush the ugly under the carpet or in a closet. Ilsan is a place for those that society has thrown away. I'm not saying that the western world is perfect, we know that it isn't, but here there is definately a greater prejudice for disabled. I don't think I am going to look at a wheelchair ramp again the same at home. To think that Ilsan is built on the side of a moutain with disabled people is kind of a juxtaposition, yet they adapt to it. It's like the mountain makes them stronger, as if it's a picture of their strength. One man in a wheelchair came whipping around so quickly I about had a heart attack. He had learned though to survive and to thrive. Maybe in the hearts and minds of those that were severely disabled they were thriving. Maybe they see things that I cannot. Perhaps they have glimpses of glory, because I believe they are precious to God. It reminded me to be so grateful. To be thankful for my breath, for my movement, for the ability to walk and talk, to simply sit up. These are things that some of the residents I saw were not even able to do...and I admit I don't understand. I know that I can leave my broken heart though in the hands of a God that sees them, loves them, knows all about them, and their lives are important to Him.
At lunch today I was keeping the tears away and trying not to break down. For the things that the Lord has allowed me to take part in that move His heart and also for looking at Narae and Adah across the table and think of lil' Hanna that we will have tomorrow at this time and to feel so overwhelmingly blessed!
The following pictures are of some of the little guys we got to play with on the floor in the one house. In one of the other houses I was able to sit and play with a girl that HAS AN ADOPTIVE FAMILY waiting for their travel call. I can't post pictures of her since she has a forever family, but while I was singing to her, there were other woman sitting on the floor that looked like maybe they had down's syndrome or another syndrome, but OH how their faces lit up to music. I could spend an eternity there. The day in and day out though of that type of care is hard, it is tiring, and I know from talking to Molly that it is frustrating to get the help that they need. However, Molly is an indominable spirit, that is a LOUD VOICE for those that don't have one. As Becky McDonald is to Woman at Risk, Molly Holt is a voice to the disabled in Korea. She will never back down, she will never stop advocating for them and she will keep loving them and working to give them a quality of life until the Lord calls her home. If you see a disabled person today, take an extra moment to give them a hand. If you see a non disabled person in a wheelchair space, feel free to run them over for me, to give them a reason for using that space in the first place! (okay, well not really....but you all know what I mean) Reach out to those that need help. Be strength for those that are weak and be a voice wherever you are placed for those that don't have one. One thing I've seen over and over this last week is that God uses people to be His hands and feet. Will you be available to be used by Him? To pay it forward all that you have been blessed with. If you are feeling depressed and bad about your place in life, I wish I could give you one moment with some of the precious souls I saw, and I promise you, there will be joy in the simple things.
Enjoy these precious souls that God gave me the priviledge of loving on and I pray your heart is moved...once again I was changed. Also to any adoptive parents travelling to Korea. PLEASE put Ilsan on your list of things to do. There will always be palaces to see, and their are plenty of pictures of them, and markets that you can buy trinkets at, but these souls you can be a light that is extraordinary in their days, and you will be changed in the process. All you have to do is let your social worker know to communicate with Holt Korea that you would like to visit there and they will arrange it!
Residents have a gymnasium and they have won awards in the para olympics. They have a champion basketball team as well.
Mark saw chickens and of course was so very excited. They also grow food wherever they have the property to do it.
The following pictures of are of the workshop where residents find dignity in making different art, craft, pottery etc. They make money as well for what they make. Right now many of them are working on gift bags that are sold in Korea.
The young girl in the picture below to the right is a Volunteer that just graduated from High School and is spending three months at Ilsan. She lives in Eugene Oregon.
I laughed out loud at the tshirt the young man was wearing below. "Running sucks" is what it said. I asked our volunteer if I could have one!
I forgot to say that our THIRD MIRACLE yesterday was this upcoming little guy. He is on the Holt Waiting Child Listing and someone had asked if I saw him if I could snap a few pics. I had just checked in the with office to inquire about him and they let us know the possible place he may have been but there were no guarantees. As soon as we came up to the top of the stairs from the office, the house mother walked by with.......you guessed it, this little guy! Out of almost 300 residents on a sprawling campus, our paths met at that time and that place!
The little boy near me is blind.
One of my bloggin friends had visited Ilsan back in May and in her pictures she posted a woman that I met back in 2002. She started hugging me and didn't let go. I saw that she was still hugging visitors as I saw her hugging Mary Leigh. I was so excited to see her down in the workshop area, and you guessed it, she saw me and came running over for some sweet hugs!
She is an ageless beauty, and I definately have more wrinkles to show for the last ten years!
Mark playing with the little girl who is blind at Molly's House.
She loved his voice.
This morning was when we were at the Baby Reception Center and this was the little girl I was writing about earliar.
I definately walked away feeling like I had tasted a bit of heaven today!
Mark and I just had to come out of the reception center feeling like we had touched the heart of God. It took awhile before we could speak, but we took a few moments to just thank God for all He has done by letting us get a part in these special places and for thanking Him for the blessings of our girls.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)